I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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