they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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