hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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