I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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