Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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