so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
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