It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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