Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
