Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
