Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize