Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
