Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
