I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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