She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
