She's JV to your varsity
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Randomize
