I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
