Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
