you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
my shit smells like andre
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Randomize
