sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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