im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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