Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just got carded by a ten year old.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
