I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
