Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
