All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
3pm strippers are depressing
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
