He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
