There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
