matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
