youre lurking in front of me
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
