he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Randomize
