So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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