i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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