Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
