I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
