Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize