go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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