After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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