only if we run a train.
done.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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