Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
