I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
