Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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