if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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