If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
