you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
