i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
