I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
