called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
