I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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