come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
