I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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