Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
