if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
