I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
