dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
