You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
