On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
