You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
