Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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