Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
