Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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