I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
