the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
