Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
