im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
