i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
