I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
do nipples grow back?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize