dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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