i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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