i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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