just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
