I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
