Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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