I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
