Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize