Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
