The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
