Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
